My body has been one of the hardest post-pregnancy adjustments. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to shedding more than a few tears over it. After 9+ months of existing to grow a little human, I am more than ready to have my body back. Of course, I know it’s only been a little over 3 weeks and it won’t happen overnight, but I severely underestimated the size of my fibroid and the impact it would have on my recovery. I wanted to share my story in case it would help anyone else. Not everyone will leave the hospital looking like Kate Middleton. Hell, I didn’t even fit into the maternity clothes I had packed!
I alternate between being proud of my body for growing a healthy baby boy in addition to a 20 cm fibroid and being self-conscious of the sizable bump I have left. During delivery, my doctor described the fibroid as the size of a football. Whereas the baby was removed during delivery, the fibroid wasn’t. So I’m left with a football in my uterus and the hope that it shrinks without the blood supply and hormones that had been feeding it. Meanwhile, my belly sticks out farther than my boobs and I look like I’m 4 months pregnant.
When I was pregnant, it was easier to hide the fibroid. People just assumed I was having twins or at the very least a really large baby. Honestly, I knew I was bigger than I should be, but I didn’t realize how much. Now I have nothing to hide behind.
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to have delivered a healthy baby. The risks associated with a large fibroid (premature labor, low birth weight, miscarriage), thankfully didn’t cause any issues with Lawson. I know how lucky I am.
It’s now been a little over 3 weeks since Lawson was born. I’m definitely smaller than I was when we took these photos, but I’ve got a long way to go until I’m back to my pre-pregnancy appearance. As for the fibroid, I’ll have an ultrasound in 3 months to check the size of it, then we’ll discuss options and decide how to move forward. I don’t want to live with it the size it is now, but I’m also afraid of another surgery. For now, I’m trying to concentrate on Lawson and not think about it too much.
Honestly, if you’re going through something similar I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom. Maybe just that you’re not alone. It’s okay to cry (the shower is a great place to hide). Surround yourself with family and friends that tell you you’re beautiful and not to be so hard on yourself. Each day does get better. Celebrate small victories, like graduating from size large to medium sweatpants. And if all else fails, there’s always this…